It was a little shocking to say the least. Jeff and I had discussed "trying" in January and we conceived in February. I was like SAY WHAA? Well, after walking back into the bathroom and reading the double line, it went more like "Holy f***."
Not to make the moment any less significant, of course. The moment you find out you're pregnant the skies part and God's angels start singing and there is nothing in the world remotely close to the happiness you feel.
It's just that I was very surprised, and when I get surprised, I cuss. Because I'm ignorant like that.
Those first couple weeks are so wrenching not telling anyone. I knew Jeff would be the first to know (obvs) but I wanted to make it really special, and possibly even get creative. Our anniversary was two weeks away and that would make it really really special to tell him then. But could I really wait two weeks to tell my husband, the very sperm-giver of our fertilized egg?
Heck no! I could barely wait three minutes! I did end up waiting three days though. I finally broke down and told him in a weak moment. A super sweet, quiet and weak moment. His response was "Are you sure? How do you know?" And just like that, we were on our way to being parents again.
Really though, Patrick was the first one to know. With my tear-swept face I picked him up and told him he'd have a baby brother or sister. He was all but Mom, how can you snuggle with me AND a newborn at 2:30 am? And I was all let's not talk about that now - I don't want to have a panic attack.
My first doctor appointment didn't go quite as planned, but ended up perfect in the end. After searching for fetal heart tones for 15 minutes and then manually moving my uterus (sounds fun right?) in hopes of helping, my doctor still couldn't find it.
On our way to ultrasound, I kept thinking I can handle this. If something is wrong it's for a reason. I'm okay. It's okay. But as soon as my head hit the table, silent tears flowed down my cheeks. I was so scared. Not for long though because within seconds, the tech found the baby and the heartbeat. What a miracle! The baby was wiggling all around and it was the most beautiful sight on Earth. I wouldn't normally post an ultrasound picture because I think they're very personal and you have to be the mother to appreciate its beauty. But there's my baby anyway! Love at first sight.
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