what I learned this summer

1.  Somehow, being home more often gives you less time to blog.

2.  My kids don't sleep.  Oh wait, I already knew that.

3.  In one day I can survive on three hours of sleep and pull off a birthday party.

4.  You can almost always choose kindness.  Not just with kids, but with people too.  This has been the summer of non-stop talking.  Repetitive talking.

Pat:  Why are we going to the mall?
Me:  To get you some new shoes.
Pat:  The big mall?
Me:  Yes.
Pat:  Why the big mall?
Me:  Because there isn't a good shoe shop in our town.
Pat:  The one with the train?
Me:  Yes.  And if you're really, really good we can ride it.  You know it costs like half my paycheck.
Pat:  Oh, oh oh I will be good.
Me:  Okay, great.  Gosh, what is wrong with these DRIVERS.
Pat:  These drivers?  What's wrong, Mommy?  Why are we driving?  Where are we going?
Me:  The mall.
Pat:  Why are we going to the mall?
Me:  ....

Choosing to be kind when these conversations happen every five minutes can be really challenging with a two year old.  This is in between the peeing in underwear, yellow crayon on a freshly painted bed, and screaming MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM from upstairs at the top of his lungs over and over and over.

5.  Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom is the hardest job in existence.  Okay so I haven't experienced all the jobs in existence (like being an air traffic controller or a rapper or a chemical engineer) but I'm willing to bet a substantial amount of money that it is.  The days are unbelievably long.  What's the light at the end of the tunnel?  Nap time.  And ultimately, bed time.  But if your kids are special like my kids then you get to see them all night long, too.  So there's really no light, except wine o'clock and Book Club once a month.  My mom will call and say "Wow, this morning just flew by!  Where did the time go?!"  I'm thinking...Ummm, I've encountered enough spills and poops and toddler mood swings to fill a frikkin week.  But yeah, it's flown!


6.  Enough about kids.  Let's talk about adults.  Oh.  My.  Gracious.  Sometimes they're worse.  There's a new fad out there:  the Fitness/Food/Motivation/Life Coach.  I'm not really sure why it's a fad because these are some of the most annoying people on planet Earth.  I'm sorry, but an Instagram picture of someone (who was born with a six pack) showing off their six pack and leaving motivational messages like Be Positive!  That's the spirit!  If I can do it, you can! and then hashtagging ALL THE HASHTAGS for fitness just isn't what I'm looking for.  My self esteem is great, but thanks anyway.  #unfollow


7.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, let's talk about the saddest adults on planet Earth:  retail associates.  Picture this:  a teacher about to head back to school.  Her hips have finally shrunk from her second child.  She's ready for new clothes.  Nice clothes.  Not-Old-Navy Clothes.  A seller's dream right?  WRONG.  Apparently they just like slapping markdowns onto overpriced jewelry.  And the store discount.

Where am I speaking of?  The Loft of course,  Girls aged 25-35, obviously pissed off at everyone, and indifferent about anything clothes-related at all.  Seriously, all I want is help.  Someone to check on me in the fitting room.  Someone to hold my hand and tell me how pretty I am.  Is that so much to ask?

8.  I guess that's about it.  School started last week so I'll be back to update you on my first-day-back babbling that turned into the Most Embarrassing Moment of All Time.