that time i got a personal trainer

The realization that you are completely out of shape is probably one of the most depressing and overwhelming feelings ever.

When I showed up to to the gym for the first time with my trainer last week I felt optimistic.  I had been eating right for about a week (lost 8 pounds already!) and felt motivated to build some muscle and tone up.

Then we did a lower body workout.

And I almost died.

Yeah, it was that hard.  Whenever I wanted to stop, or felt that I could do no more, he made me do at least  three more.  It was horrible.  I couldn't speak, couldn't walk straight, had a headache and wondered how on earth I'd manage to take care of two children that evening.

Let me tell you a bit about Ryan, my trainer.  First of all, he's a short dude.  Kind of pretty if you know what I mean.  Nice eyes.  Nice lashes.  Nice body.  Like, his shoulders are broader than Hulk Hogan's.  And his ass is tighter than a horse's.  He swears a lot.  Not just about things in general - but he swears at me.

Me:  "What if I suck at the diet?  What if I fall off the wagon?"

Ryan:  "Get back on the f***in wagon."

Me:  "Oh."

He made me say "I will not eat cookies" three times.  (That's my weakness. Cookies.)

Anyways, that first day was pure hell.  Not only was I grunting and sweating and breathing hard, but I was doing all of that in front of everyone at the gym.  Now I'm not really a self-conscious person, but I am aware when people are staring at me getting yelled at about being a human Cookie Monster.  One person in particular that I was aware of was one of the students here at school.  Yeah.  A senior.  Here's how it went down.

Ryan:  "What do you teach again?"

Me:  "Junior high and high school science."

High School Senior:  "Yeah, she's an excellent teacher.  I never had her directly but I hear across the hall."

Me:  ::flattered::  ::humiliated::  "Can we be done with this workout?"

Ryan:  No.

++

Why did I decide to get a personal trainer?  I suck at self discipline.  I suck at willpower.  And see, that never used to matter - my metabolism was amazing.  I could eat whatever I wanted and still maintain a decent figure.  Then came Connor.  Poor guy - I'm not blaming him personally but that pregnancy did me in.  If I could go back in time I would have exercised every single day like I did during my pregnancy with Patrick.  It made all the difference in the world.  

So what are my goals?

bikini via

1.) To fit into (and feel amazing) in the above bikini this summer.

That means:  2.) lose 15-20 lbs., 3.) sculpt & tone my legs, back, butt and torso.

Let's do this!!