epic fail

If you've been a new mom in your life, I'm sure (I hope) that you've experienced a complete and utter failure in a planned excursion with your child(ren).  I have been envisioning a trip to the beach with Patrick for quite some time.  It took like two months to compile everything in my head I would need to take with us - umbrella, beach chair, lunches/snacks, sand toys, bottle, swimmie diapers, hat, sunscreen, beach towels, juice cup, etc. 

I made the decision to go last Friday.  That means I started packing Thursday.  I always do that when I know I have something coming up, that way I can add to the bag as I think of things.  Okay so everything was ready.  We were cute, and super excited!  We had to make a pit stop at the Drug Mart in Huron on our way to Nickelplate Beach for some sand toys.  So here is where the horiffic day started. 

NO.  SAND.  TOYS.  "Oh those fly off the shelf hunny, they've been gone for a while.  But I've got this!"  She pulls out some contraption that a Kindergartner wouldn't even be able to figure out.  I stare at her.  I stare at my nine month old.  "Um, no thanks."

IT'S OKAY!!  We trucked on to the beach.  We paid $5 for parking (in quarters) and park.  I start thinking hmmmm I should probably take the stroller so I don't have to carry all our gear plus a 21 pound kid.  So I load all our clean and perfectly packed gear up onto the stroller.  It falls over because I don't have Patrick in there yet.  So I load him in and start trekking.  Nope, not happening.  The sand was so thick and the stroller was so heavy.  We weren't moving.

IT'S OKAY!!  We'll just carry everything.

A quarter mile and a really short of breath Stef later, we make it to our spot.  I plop Patrick down and start setting up.  He is loaded with sand as soon as I set him down.  Oh, there's sand at the beach?  And it's really messy?  Who knew?  Not me.  So I get set up and I have yet to put sunscreen on Patrick.  Great, he's full of sand.  I get him naked and rub the sunscreen into his grainy skin and put his swimmie on.  Okay cool.  We're good.  No, he's thirsty.  He's pulling himself up onto the beach chair trying to pull out his sippy cup from the diaper bag.  There is now sand all over the cup and chair and bag.  UGH!

IT'S OKAY!!  Just let it go.

"i like everything.  i can adjust."

"i dunno, it's kinda gross."

"yeah i just wanna go home."

So I put him in the little waves and we sit and play for like ten seconds and Patrick starts whining.  I'm like oh gosh.  I should leave.  We should leave now.  But I really want to just be laid back, and to be honest, just the thought of packing up all our shit made me exhausted.

At this point we were both soaked and FULL of sticky sand and it was horrible.  I mean I wished so bad that I could go back an hour and make a new decision to stay home.

We had been at the beach a total of five minutes.

The decision was made.  We're getting the hell out of here.  No perfect picnic lunch.  No perfect afternoon siesta on the lounge chair.  No perfect giggles while creating sand castles.  All my hopes and dreams.  Down the toilet.

The beach SUCKS.  Note to self and other new clueless mommies:  do not take a baby to the beach. 

So even though I was embarassed beyond belief, I unscrewed the stupid umbrella, packed everything up and we trucked back to the car through the sand.  By the time we reached my vehicle I felt like I had run a 5K.  Well, like a half mile because I hate running.  It was so hard.  I threw Patrick into his carseat like he was a sack of potatoes (right in his swimmie and full of sand) and blasted the air conditioning.  I drove outta there like a bat out of hell and I made a beeline to the nearest Wendy's to eat my feelings.  I wanted to cry so bad but that chocolate frosty and 5-piece nugget really helped me keep it in.

We pulled in the driveway to our house and on our way up to the house my neighbor pulls up.  Now mind you, she's on a three-wheeled motorcyle and wearing a terrycloth tube top.  She's also nearing 65.  She talks my ear off for a frikking half hour about her kid dating some chick with 5 kids and they need a place to stay bla bla bla.  OMG.

Finally, Patrick and I get in the nice warm shower and see the pile of sand at the bottom of the tub and we're reminded of the awful first trip to the beach.  I really hope that someday we can laugh about this. But right now, it is just so sad.  And such an epic fail.